Playing with a corked bat

Derek Jeter got caught playing with a corked bat last night. Sportswriters are riffing on the damage done to Derek the Player, Derek the Man, Derek the All-Star, and the doe-eyed youngsters sitting in the Yankee Stadium bleachers—but, hey, we've got more important things to settle first. Such as, is Derek lying?

In his post-game confessional, Jeter admitted to owning the flubberized bat but said he intended to use it only during batting practice. Somehow, the bat slipped into the dugout, and when Derek faced Tampa Bay starter Jeremy Gonzalez in the first inning, contact shattered it into a hundred pieces. Baseball has yet to mete out a suspension, but one guesses it will fall somewhere in the range of seven to eight games, the amount slapped on fellow corkers Chris Sabo, Albert Belle, and Wilton Guerrero. If Derek's telling the truth, that punishment seems about right. If not, well, the Detroit Tigers could always use another shortstop.

Saddam Joining the U.S. Democratic Party?

The newest A.P. Headline about Saddam Hussein reads:

Saddam denounces White House "liars"

This was part of his accusation that the United States is using illegal torture. He's already demanded immediate U.S. withdrawal from Iraq. All he needs to do is take a stand against drilling in Alaska and we may have a new Democratic Senate Candidate in '06. Stay tuned.

Sarcastic attempt at humor aside... watch how quickly Saddam Hussein becomes a leftist folkhero like our other enemies, Castro and Chavez. And THAT is no joke.

Gweneth Paltrow Hates America (Still)

Yes... she's running her big mouth again to disparage the countryshe so despises. Here's the latest from this Hollywood traitor.

[Paltrow] admits she is amazed by the locals' [British] courage in the face of adversity. She says, "I find the English amazing how they got over 7/7. There were no multiple memorials with people sobbing as they would have been in America."

Oh... So sorry we overreacted, Gwen.